Round 15 Match Review – Dismal Dons suffer loss at hands of Brisbane. An open letter from WHWS Brisbane Chapter President, Milton

By Milton

WARNING | Explicit Language

Dear Essendon

When the Sweeper Man first asked me if I wanted to put pen to paper to gather a few thoughts post game, I was happy to do so. But never did I think the words to come out of my mouth would be so severe, so brutal and so devastating but I felt it was necessary to do so. I have been given a license to tee-off, so I am going to Happy Gilmore that shit and send that motherfucker straight down the fairway!

I did have something written up yesterday however with about 10 minutes to go in yesterday’s game, it was completely thrown out – never to be seen again. Not to say that much of it was positive but instead, a far worse, unforgiving assessment is required of what was a fucking putrid, insipid and downright shithouse performance. It would honestly be more fun playing on a pogo stick at the beach then being an Essendon supporter right now.

To call last week a disappointment, is just about as big an understatement as saying we were all a little upset when Mufasa died in the Lion King. Sweeper and I agreed that last week’s lost was as disappointing of a lose as Rd 21, year 2000 against the Western Bulldogs. Fucking Chris Grant.

After last week, you would have expected the Bombers to come out breathing fire and not just the metaphoric kind. Just do what you must do Bombers, take an actual blow-torch out there if you have to! For fuck sake! They should have been playing like absolute cunts, do anything you need to do, to get the job done! Play like Hayden Ballantyne for all I care! Or the NBA’s newly crowned MVP Russell Westbrook – both shit cunts in their own right, both only care about one thing and one thing only – WINNING!! They couldn’t care less about what people think of them and they aren’t out there to make friends. To put it in Westbrooks terms he ‘only has one friend out there… and he is balding’

Before yesterday, you can’t help but feel sorry for the Brisbane Lions. Can’t win games, can’t make money, can’t retain players, worst facilities in the league by a country mile. I needed a Bombers win yesterday more then I need oxygen. A small win would have done fine but I would have loved to have seen them absolutely destroy the Lions yesterday, absolutely obliterate them, put them into orbit, something that they can’t come back from, ever! But instead the Bombers gave us something so soul destroying, so demoralizing that I am sick of it. Not sick of footy. Sick of life.

For those that have seen rugby fan Jack Quigley’s open letter on Facebook to the Wallabies, I did consider a copy and paste job as the same can be said about the Bombers performance yesterday. The open letter has attracted a lazy 53 thousand likes, but for those who missed it, here are the best bits:

I’ve got one thing. Passion. Passion for the game of rugby AFL. And for the Wallabies Bombers. And you can’t deny me that. Despite your best efforts. I love you, but I’ll be blunt.  The Wallabies Essendon are a disgrace!

I have to go to work tomorrow, and I have to do with this sick feeling in my stomach that stems from the utter disappointment that is my national rugby AFL team.

When I was a kid – hell, even now, I would’ve given my left nut just to pull on a Wallabies Bombers jumper, but when I see you guys run out, I feel like you don’t care. I KNOW you don’t care, because it shows. And don’t tell me I’m wrong. Don’t say that you DO care, because my response is that you don’t care ENOUGH! CLEARLY!

The Wallabies Bombers attitude towards the basic skills is unacceptable. A culture of blame-avoidance has been allowed to fester.

Like all Essendon fans, I was in a dark place yesterday evening and if there is one thing my mother taught me, a friend in need is a friend indeed. So to those fucking cunts who did not stop tagging me in the score-line yesterday, as if I didn’t already know. Go and fuck yourself!!! On the positive side, I now have about half the amount of Facebook friends as I did on Saturday!

I didn’t want my first experience on the Windy Hill Windstock to be a negative one, but Bombers you have left me no choice. You lack poise, decision making was as bad as I have seen and the skills yesterday were ordinary to say the least. Which I can actually live with. But you didn’t have passion, didn’t have any mongrel. As my Under 12 coach use to ask us… ‘ARE YOU ANY DANGER OF PLAYING WITH A BIT OF CUNT IN YOU?!?!’

I have no idea what Woosha would have said after the game yesterday, but I am hoping it went a little like this:


Yours sincerely


President of the WHWS Brisbane Chapter


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